This is the life of me, here and now. Wife, Mum of two beautiful ratbags, and trying to find me in there somewhere too! Blogging the thoughts and journey through PND that has me where I am today. This is the life of my Happy (and sometimes not so happy) Mayhem..

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I know this guy..

I know this guy..
We are very close, but not by choice.
Once he finds me he follows me around like a shadow, until I find the strength to shake him off.

He sits upon my shoulder and whispers thoughts of doubt
He makes me feel like glass, so fragile I could break with the slightest fall
Although so small, he towers over me making me feel scared and vulnerable.

He has quite a sense of humor
Turning what was previously a rational thought into an irrational thought
Scrambling my mind.
Do you know what it is like to be afraid to leave the house, or afraid to stay home alone?
He seems to think this is a hilarious joke to play on someone.

But he follows more than myself, time means nothing to him and he can stalk many people at once
Taking away peoples self esteem and confidence without a second thought
He might give it back, but he will make you work damn hard for it.

His name is Anxiety.
I know this guy... I wish I didn't

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

My Happy Mothers Day

Four days ago I sat in my car at the traffic lights and cried. I felt so numb.. The tears were wanting to come for days but the flood gates would just not open. I am sure I looked like a right dill to anyone sitting the cars next to me, but just feeling so confused, hurt and doubting every thought, those tears were a good release.

But two days later I sat again, this time watching as my kids played so happily, watching them grow before my eyes. Instead of spending mothers day at a busy lunch spot stressing over the kids getting bored and playing up, we spent the morning at a play centre, and we ALL played together. It helped make the best mothers day I could have asked for. Instead of the tantrums and sooking that I am used to being greeted with, my little fella would ask 'Mummy will you come down the slide with me'? Of Course!

So with the bad days (or weeks) comes a good day, which for a moment makes you forget all about the bad. Despite the tears, I have the most beautiful children and I am one of the luckiest mummies around.