This is the life of me, here and now. Wife, Mum of two beautiful ratbags, and trying to find me in there somewhere too! Blogging the thoughts and journey through PND that has me where I am today. This is the life of my Happy (and sometimes not so happy) Mayhem..

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

So.. Planning on more?

When people ask me about our intentions for number three, the words hell no just fall out of my mouth. Then that stupid guilt pours over.. wondering if people think I regret my kids. I can say with a very quick and firm reply, NO! I do not regret my kids. I would not take them back for the world. It's not entirely their fault that their mum is a loony, they just helped open the door to let the loony out.

But I can not bring my self to do this all over again. I know past PND sufferers do not necessarily suffer with every baby, but I am not yet over this round so the thought of welcoming a 3rd baby scares the shit out of me. If there was not a tiny voice telling me 'what if something happens', I would have my husband lined up for a vasectomy tomorrow. And I have not dismissed this idea totally!! Is it possible to sell your uterus on Ebay? Mine is free to a good home as I have no intentions of using it for any more baby making.

After Lachie, the house was far from empty, but knew that was not 'it', our family was not yet complete. But after welcoming MJ, that complete feeling set in and I knew our family was made. I have no yearning for another (understanding MJ is only 14mths old), and as much as I can look at a newborn and see the lushness they have to offer, I no longer feel clucky. Only clucky to enjoy the future watching my lil babies grow up.

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