This is the life of me, here and now. Wife, Mum of two beautiful ratbags, and trying to find me in there somewhere too! Blogging the thoughts and journey through PND that has me where I am today. This is the life of my Happy (and sometimes not so happy) Mayhem..

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Allowing my self to feel

I am happy to say that after after taking another 'nutcase' test, my anxiety levels are lower than the start of last year. A huge reminder to me of how far I have come and a reason to give my self a pat on the back. I stopped fighting and started accepting...

Now I wish I could continue to do this with everything else! But baby steps Beck, remember Rome was not built in a day. My test this time around shows my stress and depression the same if not worse than early last year. Nice! I need to allow my self to feel. I have one setting and that is content. I have far too many rules for my self and don't allow myself to feel the emotions that I have. Everything is bottled up, so it's no wondering I want to scream.. this is my bottle exploding, and when it finally does I am sure it will make a damn big mess!

I am too busy running about trying to do the right thing and keep everything in order, and helping to keep everyone else happy, I am forgetting too much about myself. And then when I do something for my self I feel selfish and guilty. This needs to stop. Heading out for an island holiday by myself might be taking it too far, but I am a person just as much as everyone else in this house.. My expectations of my self are far too high, and in turn I think that everyone else has these same expectations of me. I am sure they don't! I don't expect it of anyone else so why would I think that they expect the same of me... For that I don't need a pat on the back, but maybe a kick up the bum :)

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